Cheri was a unicorn. The depths of her knowledge and wisdom were beyond anything the rest of us could ever understand.  She told stories that were better than dreams. She had this incredible control and understanding of the connection between her body and her mind. She made the absolute worst French Toast and she left the Christmas tree up until July.

 

Today, we have come together to celebrate the life of Cheri Thomas.  We will honor her legacy, tell her stories, reminisce about our favorite memories, and at the end, if she were here, I’m sure she’d have us each pull a card. 

 

The Greeks didn’t write eulogies, when someone died, they just asked themselves one question – did they have passion.  And the answer for Cheri is a resounding yes. She was passionate, and purposeful, about seeking out all things powerful and full of meaning, whether it was hidden or obvious.  She wanted to find as many of the world’s hidden messages, as possible.  She wanted to unlock the secrets.  She looked to seek and destroy.  Her truth – your truth.

 

And, what she discovered lead her to a life of religion and spirituality.  To pay tribute to that, we would like ask her son Tyler, to come up and share a reading.

 

During her time on this planet, Cheri mastered amazing feats.  Her life was multi-faceted. It was deep and meaningful and complex.  But it was also adventurous, spontaneous, and fun.  Her list of accomplishments is vast but, anyone who knew her would agree that her greatest accomplishment was, and will always be, the Thomas household, Todd, Tyler, Sidney and Austin.  And we would like to hear from them all now. 

 

I was at Todd’s house on Thursday, getting ready to prepare this eulogy.  It was the first time I was able to interact with all 3 kids as, now, young adults.  The strength and grace they’ve shown through this is exactly Cheri would have expected.  They sat on the couch together and shared a watermelon.  They made us all laugh (and of course, cry) telling us all the wonderful things about their mom.

 

There are no less than 5000 positive words to describe Cheri and how she approached parenting but, the one that stands out the most is: present.  She was always there.  Being a mom was her full-time job and she took it just as seriously as if she was the CEO of a multi-billion-dollar company.  And, frankly, probably did a much better job.

 

Her kids had schedules, routines, and expectations. But she made those things fun.  Their schedule was to wake up for school at a certain time but instead of Cheri just knocking on their door or sending a text, she would barge into their rooms singing Baby Baluga or I’m On Top of The World. And, before bed, on cold nights, she would run her hair dryer underneath their blankets so they could have a warm, comfy bed to fall asleep in. 

 

The kids often had half days at school.  Instead of just having them come home to veg out on the couch or spend some extra time on their phones, she would always take them somewhere: Monkey Joe’s or The Magic House.  Another routine was her telling them stories or reading to them every night.  As they got older, the books she read to them matured.  But, if there was a part of the book that was graphic, she would always change the words.  Like, instead of saying ‘the two soldiers fought to the death’ she would say something like ‘the two friends then shared a root beer’.  But, once, as she was reading them Divergent, she forgot to audit the pages for that night and accidentally read about someone being scalped. 

Austin had nightmares for weeks.

 

And the expectation was they all got good grades.  She was so serious about that that the kids were only allowed 30 minutes of non-educational TV a day.  So, for those 30 minutes, the kids would all watch their favorite show, but then all they could only watch, the rest of the night, was “How It Was Made.”

 

Tyler said to me, “I remember watching the show - How it Was Made for hours and hours on end”.  Austin fired right back, “Wait!  We were watching that show because we HAD to.  I thought we all just liked it!”

 

Although Cheri just had that natural nurturing, motherly side to her, her success as a parent wasn’t a fluke.  She didn’t just, accidentally, become the most incredible mom.  For those who knew Cheri, you know that she researched everything.  Being valedictorian of her high school class and graduating College with honors, her knowledge about, almost every subject, was vast and deep.  As Todd will tell you, that made it almost impossible to argue with her.  Her knowledge mixed with her unwavering quest for honesty, transparency and excellence made her a natural teacher and healer.

 

But, to have those qualities, she had to be completely open about her life and her experiences.  The good and the bad.  Growing up she was the girl who went to all the Youth Group dances. She ate Taco Bell for lunch and dinner.  She would walk to Dairy Queen for a summertime snack, go ice skating, skiing and roller blading.  When long-distance calls to family and friends were too expensive, she’d record herself talking and send them the cassette tape. She was on one of the first reality shows called Road Trip that paved the way for all the reality shows we see on TV now.  In college, she wanted to be a part of everything and she wanted to do it big!  If it was a costume party- she had the most elaborate costume, if it was an Oreo eating contest, she did the math to figure out how many calories she would have to consume to win and what that meant for her diet the rest of that week.  It was during college that her roommate and friend, Wendy, learned of Cheri’s love for labeling.  When she moved into their dorm – everything was labeled.  Even her toothbrush.  I didn’t think that was too odd because, living with other people, you didn’t want your brushes to get confused.  But it didn’t even have her name on it.  The label simply said, “toothbrush.”

 

But, of all the labels she put on things, putting them on people was never one of them.  She was inclusive, and loving, and open and accepting.  Conversations were never about her.  They were always about you and how she could compliment your life by making you better or giving you a deeper understanding of who you are and what you are capable of.  With all her accomplishments and accolades, if anyone ever had the right to conceited, it was her.  But she was the exact opposite of that.  She was a great listener. She’d laugh at your jokes (even if she didn’t think they were funny) and she would never gloat. She was humble. Sidney said the only thing she ever bragged about was how many lawns she mowed in high school.

 

What I loved most about Cheri was, she never shied away from the hard stuff.  The conversations that most of us would be afraid to have – she would tackle them, head on, prepared with research, empathy and understanding.

 

She wasn’t ok with things just being good.  She wanted them to be excellent.  Continuously growing, learning, and improving were some of the most important things to her.  This was her truth in every aspect of her life.  

 

I saw a quote the other day that said, “Sometimes, the fear won’t go away so you’ll just have to do it scared.”  That wasn’t true of Cheri.  She did the hard things.  And she did them with class and integrity.  Armed with her intuition and strong sense of self…in tough situations…she forged ahead, bravely, when most of us felt the comfort of staying behind. 

 

Cheri never wanted a “ordinary” marriage.  She wanted a marriage that was nothing short of extraordinary. And, to have that, sometimes, both Cheri and Todd, had to do hard things. I remember once, she had the idea for both her and Todd to write down all the things that annoy them about one another.  As Todd was telling me this I said, “That’s kind of cool.  How did it go?”  He paused and said, “I don’t recommend it.”  When I asked why he said, “Well, Erin.  I wrote 3 things. She wrote 6 pages. And hung them all in our bedroom closet.”  Even though their marriage was incredible, she always wanted to make it better.  She was never happy with the status quo.  Grow, learn, strive for excellence. Never give up. Be the best at everything you do and never settle for anything less.

 

The love between Todd and Cheri was never the status quo, the norm, or par-for-the-course.  They had a love that other people were envious of. They could tear up the dance floor for hours one night and the next, have endless conversations about the meaning of life. And, man-oh-man, they could throw one hell of a Halloween party. 

 

Their love was the type of love that inspires poets to write their most beautiful sonnets. And make kids believe that happy ever after’s really do exist. They were soulmates, best friends, the person that the other, was always meant to find.

 

They had countless adventures together.  From short hikes in Columbia before dropping Tyler at Mizzou, to seeing the pyramids in Egypt or going on an African safari.  Todd and Cheri didn’t need a bucket list because they prioritized experiences over things.  And, by taking advantage of every moment, Cheri left them a bucket full of memories.

 

One of the things that I always admired about Cheri was her ability to leave things behind that didn’t serve her, bring her happiness, or bring her joy.  She respected herself, her life, and her heart enough to honor it by only holding on to the things that made her better. That made her happier, healthier.  Todd was always that for her. Todd was her constant.

 

Originally, I met Cheri through Todd.  But, over the past few years, she and I formed a friendship that was based on similar experiences, as opposed to similar connections.  One of the last times I talked to her, she and Todd were at their cabin, which was always their happy place.  Cheri was inside, watching Todd through the screen-in porch.  She was in mid-sentence when she busted out laughing. She said, “Sorry, Todd just fell out of the boat.”  A few minutes later I could hear Todd grunting and cussing in the background and then I heard the door close behind him.  And then Cheri said this, “You know Erin, I’ve had to lose a lot of things in life to get where I am.  But I refuse to ever lose Todd.”  

 

No matter what – if things got hard or stressful – leaving the other behind was never an option.  They always pushed through and made it work.  And not because they felt like they had to, or because they didn’t want to rock the boat, but because… when you pulled back all the intricate layers of their marriage, at the bottom you’d find a strong foundation of friendship and love…soaked in admiration and respect.  

 

And Todd felt the exact same way. I remember once, he and I were sitting at a restaurant in O’Hare airport. We were talking about life and love and connection.  And then we started talking about a friend of ours who was going through a tough time with his wife. 

I’ll never forget what he told me.  He said, “Well, I can only speak for Cheri and I but, no matter what happens between us, we’ll always make it through.  We will never leave our marriage. 

 

We just love each other too much. 

 

Todd, I know there will never be a day where you don’t think of Cheri.  I know there will never be a day where you don’t miss her.  And, when those feelings start to get to be too much, close your eyes and just be still.  Because even though it may feel like she’s gone, we all know that, in reality, she hasn’t left us at all. Because Cheri is now - everywhere.

 

Cheri was not without her flaws.  She could be stubborn and competitive but – when it came to love – there was never too much.  As new people came into her heart, she made room for them.  She never ran out of compassion.  She saw every encounter as an opportunity to share her knowledge and beliefs with others.  Whether she struck up a conversation with you at a party, if you were a teacher at her kids’ school, or someone she had known for years.  She wanted to teach you.  She wanted to learn from you.  She wanted to bring you along on her journey of spirituality and enlightenment.  And, during the times you weren’t looking, she prayed for you, meditated around your struggles, and tried to find answers to your most haunting questions.  She would dig down deep to the parts of the of you that even you didn’t understand.  

 

If you were sick or sad, she would ask questions to find the root of the problem, instead of just masking it.  It was one of the very best things about her.  But, just like anything, it was a doubled-edged sword.  Todd jokes that he was always careful when using a chainsaw because he feared that, if he ever severed off a body part, instead of rushing him to the hospital, Cheri would first say, “Todd- what types of thoughts were you having right before your arm got cut off?”

 

Cheri died under a super blue moon which was just as beautiful and bright as she was.  I don’t think any of us will understand why she left us so soon.  But I think she does.  I think she knew that she was bigger than this world.  She needed to do more, learn more, and influence more. Something that couldn’t be done within the constraints of her body.  

 

As we heard from Todd, Cheri’s eyes were donated and two people will now have new vision, because of her gift.  And I can’t think of anything more fitting.  Because Cheri always had a vision of paying it forward and what a wonderful way for that to take place.  I’m sure, at some point, we had all wished that we could see the hopes of the world through Cheri’s eyes. And I, personally, hope that one of us gets to meet one of those fortunate recipients.  And if we ever do, I hope we can look beyond their eyes – and see Cheri’s looking glass. Because as we all know, the eyes are the window to the soul.

 

I truly believe that Cheri’s work here was done, and it was time for her to move onto her next adventure.

 

But that doesn’t make it any easier for the people left behind.  It doesn’t make the pain and sadness any less intense.  I think if Cheri were here, she would want you to have those feelings.  She would tell you that grieving and death are natural parts of life.  But, I also think she would tell to honor your sadness and then keep moving forward. Keep making her proud. Keep doing your best. Keep striving towards excellence. And we would say back, “Ok Cheri, we got this.”

 

And I’m sure, when her soul got to heaven, she looked at God, quoted “Alice in Wonderland” and said:

 

“Hi!  I’m a unicorn.  And I believed in you because you believed in me.”